“Anger is a signal, and one worth listening to.” Harriet Lerner. It’s indeed very important to pay attention to one’s own anger (or other’s anger behavior) as anger is a secondary emotion that may be masking the primary feelings. The primary feelings are the reasons and causes of anger and if they are not resolved, the anger within a person may grow deeper and more intense (even though the person may think that he had been able to control his anger).
When I’m outside, I often see parents getting frustrated when their child refuses to leave a shop unless the child gets the toy that he/she wants. The parents were angry and started to shout at their child to follow them or they threaten to leave him/her there. This often doesn’t solve the problem and furthermore makes the child irritated and the child would start throwing tantrums. This is a vicious cycle as both parties would get more and more agitated and the consequence might be disastrous. I feel that the parents (perhaps at the moment of haste, impulse and frustration) failed to realise that they are angry because of the underlying frustration of their child’s behaviour. I think they should first identify their frustration first and then calmly reason out (in other words, tell the child their explanation why they don’t let him/her buy) with the child. If the child doesn’t take the words seriously or still persists on getting the toy, it’s time for the parents to trace back to why their child will cry and shout when he/she does not get what he wants.
And I believe the COW behavioural responses to anger is very true and real in depicting most of the reactions people have when acting out their anger. The control style of response would of course be the best one. But, I do know that even the most close to perfect person might not be applying control response all the time when he/she gets angry. To me, having outbursts at times is still relatively okay as there may be situations that are to be deemed too overwhelming and anger has to take place in a more physical form (like shouting). I believe the anger emotion built into us is very important (that’s why we have anger as one of our emotions) in survival (in modern ways). So, perhaps in the past, anger outburst is important at times of defending your own village etc. But, times have changed, and the display of anger also need to be evolved and adapted well.
I especially like the cognitive restructuring component as this is what I normally use for many scenarios (even those that are not related to anger). Anthony Robbins once said in his book, Unlimited Power, that nothing in the world has any inherent meaning. Thus, in simpler terms, meanings of things (be it emotions like anger or mathematical equations) are human constructed and also subjective to individuals. Hence, cognitive restructuring (of event meanings) may be the most effective way of turning one’s anger into positive and constructive forces as it is powerful enough to recreate meanings of events. And most importantly, it allows us to be able to “pause time” and rethink our actions before acting them out (and not regretting the actions we did without thinking).
Monday, November 19, 2007
Time Management
Obviously, I know that time management is very important. Everyone cannot live forever and have limited time to do things and not regret. Worse still, nobody is able to work 24 hours for all seven days. And there goes some more precious time to be active. Thus, I feel that what stands out for us, as a human, in the animal kingdom is our ability to think and plan things ahead of time. With that ability, it is no wonder that we can invent so many things and advance much faster than the other animals in the world. Time management is important as it differentiates humans from animals.
I’m not saying that a person without the knowledge of time management is an animal. In my opinion, everyone (truly universally everyone) in the world already has and is using the knowledge of time management! It just boils down to how well and in-depth is your time management skill. Having a calendar or a watch is already a form of time management; unless you do not use your calendar or watch at all. The basis of time management is to know where you are heading to and how long you have spent in doing a certain task (in my opinion). The only differences between good time management and poor one are the planning and goals setting aspect.
To start out any planning or timetabling, clear, well-defined and realistic goals are of essence. The goals, as mentioned in LMS notes and from what I’ve learnt from many workshops I attended, have to be SMART: specific, measurable, attainable, relevant and time-framed (or bound). I feel that we should always set goals that will spur up our motivation and interest but yet not demoralise us. Goals are extremely important to me. There many more able-body people out there as compared to people with disabilities. And yet, I would not get too demoralised and complain about the limitations I have compared to the other able-bodies. Why? Perhaps it’s because I’m setting so many goals (as compared to some others who are too lazy to set goals). I know very well that I do not have a lot of time to spare to do some things due to my deteriorating condition. So, that’s why I told myself that I should make my life fruitful and set out my goals for me to achieve them. I do believe that it’s not how long you live that people remember you well; it’s how well you lived and how much you contributed during your life that people will remember you even after you cease to exist in this world.
However, I must say I seldom do a good work/life schedule. I found it rather hard to do out a proper monthly or weekly plan for what I want to do and what I would complete doing. Instead, I preferred doing a rough-gauging schedule in my mind as I also know that I’m someone who hardly keeps to a schedule or plan (because of my addiction to computer games). At least, I foresee that I would need to have a very rough idea what I would need to do and finish but not do a proper schedule where I put in the timeframes. But perhaps, I should have an activity log such that I can know how well and satisfied I am with my progress and workload. As the polytechnic life goes on, I’m starting to see the need of more organised planning (with all the projects getting bigger and bigger in scale; closer projects and assignments dateline).
I’m not saying that a person without the knowledge of time management is an animal. In my opinion, everyone (truly universally everyone) in the world already has and is using the knowledge of time management! It just boils down to how well and in-depth is your time management skill. Having a calendar or a watch is already a form of time management; unless you do not use your calendar or watch at all. The basis of time management is to know where you are heading to and how long you have spent in doing a certain task (in my opinion). The only differences between good time management and poor one are the planning and goals setting aspect.
To start out any planning or timetabling, clear, well-defined and realistic goals are of essence. The goals, as mentioned in LMS notes and from what I’ve learnt from many workshops I attended, have to be SMART: specific, measurable, attainable, relevant and time-framed (or bound). I feel that we should always set goals that will spur up our motivation and interest but yet not demoralise us. Goals are extremely important to me. There many more able-body people out there as compared to people with disabilities. And yet, I would not get too demoralised and complain about the limitations I have compared to the other able-bodies. Why? Perhaps it’s because I’m setting so many goals (as compared to some others who are too lazy to set goals). I know very well that I do not have a lot of time to spare to do some things due to my deteriorating condition. So, that’s why I told myself that I should make my life fruitful and set out my goals for me to achieve them. I do believe that it’s not how long you live that people remember you well; it’s how well you lived and how much you contributed during your life that people will remember you even after you cease to exist in this world.
However, I must say I seldom do a good work/life schedule. I found it rather hard to do out a proper monthly or weekly plan for what I want to do and what I would complete doing. Instead, I preferred doing a rough-gauging schedule in my mind as I also know that I’m someone who hardly keeps to a schedule or plan (because of my addiction to computer games). At least, I foresee that I would need to have a very rough idea what I would need to do and finish but not do a proper schedule where I put in the timeframes. But perhaps, I should have an activity log such that I can know how well and satisfied I am with my progress and workload. As the polytechnic life goes on, I’m starting to see the need of more organised planning (with all the projects getting bigger and bigger in scale; closer projects and assignments dateline).
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Self-Awareness
To be able to be aware of others and help them, we must be aware of and accept ourselves first. That is the statement that I remembered the best amongst what my first semester lecturers of PCS told us. It is always important to actually know that being aware of yourself and always sparing a thought (no matter how small) is not being self-centered. I think many people actually misunderstood that self-awareness is being self-centered and I was one of them. There is this saying to put others before self and thus many see no need in being aware of ourselves. This is actually wrong and in my opinion: we should put others before self when we are helping people but should always still have ourselves in mind. We should always help people only when we know we have the ability and resources to cope.
I feel that self-awareness and self-esteem is closely related. Self-awareness can help to maintain self-esteem in a moderate level. I know, through our introduction to social psychology module, that too low or too high a self-esteem is not good. A low self-esteem eventually leads to a person not living to his/her life to the fullest as he/she don’t even feel that he/she can be successful. The other extreme end of self-esteem, that of very high self-esteem, is actually ironically roots of many problems. A person may become a bully due to high self-esteem as he feels he is always higher and better than anyone else. I think a moderate level of high self-esteem elicits someone who knows he/she is capable of success, knows that his/her actions are important determinants of the outcomes, but also knows his/her weaknesses or limits. And with good enough self-awareness, everyone is capable of doing that.
After going through many difficulties and turning points in life, I can understand how important it is to be self-aware and have moderately high self-esteem. At first when I was to be seated on a wheelchair when I was about 9 years old, it was an impact to my self-esteem. I used to be able to run and play with my schoolmates and then suddenly (but still quite gradual) I had to sit on the wheelchair and watch my friends play instead. This sort of impacted me and I started to feel a bit useless and worthless. But, I do remember how I was able to get back and maintain my self-esteem after I was on wheelchair. I was very fortunate to have very supportive friends and teachers then. My friends would not miss out me when they go anywhere in school and my teachers’ words of wisdom and actions always give me so much strength to continue on. Thus, till now, I really feel that the people around us, friends and family members, are very important in shaping our self-esteem.
To me, trying to maintain self-awareness is a rather tough yet important part and parcel of life. I always am open to other’s feedbacks and, in fact, I always pester people to give comments on the things I do. However, like what Ms Lau told us, not all feedbacks from others may be always true and useful. There may be a few who is out to sabotage or lower your self-esteem. So, I guess, we have to strike a balance between taking it feedback and doing self-analysis. We shouldn’t go too much to the extent of accepting all feedbacks from others. Likewise, we have to be open to feedbacks and then see whether the feedbacks can give any means of improving ourselves. If it’s a blind feedback without any means of providing us a means to improve ourselves (maybe something unspecific like you are bad), we should not be, by any means pulled down by this feedback.
I feel that self-awareness and self-esteem is closely related. Self-awareness can help to maintain self-esteem in a moderate level. I know, through our introduction to social psychology module, that too low or too high a self-esteem is not good. A low self-esteem eventually leads to a person not living to his/her life to the fullest as he/she don’t even feel that he/she can be successful. The other extreme end of self-esteem, that of very high self-esteem, is actually ironically roots of many problems. A person may become a bully due to high self-esteem as he feels he is always higher and better than anyone else. I think a moderate level of high self-esteem elicits someone who knows he/she is capable of success, knows that his/her actions are important determinants of the outcomes, but also knows his/her weaknesses or limits. And with good enough self-awareness, everyone is capable of doing that.
After going through many difficulties and turning points in life, I can understand how important it is to be self-aware and have moderately high self-esteem. At first when I was to be seated on a wheelchair when I was about 9 years old, it was an impact to my self-esteem. I used to be able to run and play with my schoolmates and then suddenly (but still quite gradual) I had to sit on the wheelchair and watch my friends play instead. This sort of impacted me and I started to feel a bit useless and worthless. But, I do remember how I was able to get back and maintain my self-esteem after I was on wheelchair. I was very fortunate to have very supportive friends and teachers then. My friends would not miss out me when they go anywhere in school and my teachers’ words of wisdom and actions always give me so much strength to continue on. Thus, till now, I really feel that the people around us, friends and family members, are very important in shaping our self-esteem.
To me, trying to maintain self-awareness is a rather tough yet important part and parcel of life. I always am open to other’s feedbacks and, in fact, I always pester people to give comments on the things I do. However, like what Ms Lau told us, not all feedbacks from others may be always true and useful. There may be a few who is out to sabotage or lower your self-esteem. So, I guess, we have to strike a balance between taking it feedback and doing self-analysis. We shouldn’t go too much to the extent of accepting all feedbacks from others. Likewise, we have to be open to feedbacks and then see whether the feedbacks can give any means of improving ourselves. If it’s a blind feedback without any means of providing us a means to improve ourselves (maybe something unspecific like you are bad), we should not be, by any means pulled down by this feedback.
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