I personally feel that conflicts are inevitable for all kinds of relationships, be it friends or even political alliances. It is only through conflicts that one will learn to appreciate his or her relationship with the other party. For me, I always have this idea that there can never be world peace or a day with no conflicts at all. I am not being pessimistic by thinking this way, but is a matter of fact that we have to accept that humans are not perfect. There may be a day where peace is experienced, but this day would not last because people will start to take peace for granted and will become complacent. Thus, it is only through conflicts that appreciation can really be to the fullest and peace can be enjoyed.
Therefore, to start off, I think I will talk about the resolution of the conflict first. The only thing that differentiates a constructive conflict from a destructive conflict is that constructive ones are correctly resolved and destructive ones are sometimes even not resolved at all. Conflict can be depicted as very strong storm surges against the coastline. With enough attention and proper management of the coastline (i.e. coastal protections like breakwaters), beaches and other coastline features will still be destroyed but other new features might be constructed because of the surges. The coast has been changed, but perhaps for the better.
What are the positive impacts of constructive conflicts? Well, one thing for sure is that (like what the LMS notes say) you can get to understand yourself very much better. You might be able to find out how you often react when faced with conflicts and how you deal with them. Well, for me, I think I do not just stick to one type of conflict resolution style. However, primarily, I would usually take either the accommodating or compromising style when I am faced with a conflict. I realised I do not normally confront the conflict first hand as I usually do not see the need for the conflict to arise in the first place. Thus, there may be good and bad points as it may seem as if I am avoiding the conflict as it happen.
In my project group, we often identify conflict (or disagreement to be not so exaggerating) as our way of assembling idea or our way of life. That is why sometimes I really feel that conflicts can be humorous when you reflect on it on how it started and how our group can manage to pull off from the conflict. In a sense, conflicts definitely make us more cohesive. Without the conflicts, we may never understand each other better or be aware of each other’s potential and pitfalls. How can we be more cohesive and harmonious without ever understanding each other? Hence, the result of all these conflicts and resolution led us to a pretty efficient group in doing our projects. Conflict allowed us to be able to go home earlier (due to our efficient task assignment) after our project discussion.
Definitely, I do not think that I can live without conflict. I can never imagine how boring life would be without conflicts!
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Listening
In the past, I used to be a pretty good listener as I’m always the quiet one everywhere (be it in classes or with friends). But, as time goes by, I started to become more outgoing and chatty probably because I’m more used to being on the wheelchair and being different from able-bodies to some extent. Even though I’m still pretty much quieter than the rest, I realise that I’m not as good as listener as before. I have grown to be more of the partial listener. I still lend a listening ear to others who are not feeling so good, but instead, I’m often just hearing them out and not truly listening. This is a major pitfall for me and I’m still on the course to try to tune back to my past listener habit.
Perhaps, I realise it is because of the society that we are in that shapes us to hear more rather than listen lesser yet with more quality. As we all know and can also see, the pace of living has grown to be as rapid as the machines we build today. Everyone just wants to succeed for their own self, and could not afford to have time to really care for a few others around them. So how has this got to link with listening? Well for one, fewer and fewer people wants to truly hear out the other party and then understand what they truly feel. Another truth is technology has gotten so advance that news can be obtained quickly and in bite-size! Want to know the latest news? Read the newspaper! There is no need to ask from somebody to know it. Want to obtain the most number of information in a split second? Go ‘google’ it or search in Wikipedia! There is no need for you to seek someone to patiently tutor you and with you trying to digest it slowly. Thus, indeed, many of today’s technology have made one more self-reliant and independent. But, with a cost: because of the autonomy one has, rarely do you need to fully rely on others and rarely do you need to hear them out fully or listen to them.
But, of course, I cannot blame the entire fault to the society. I still have to play my own part to become a good listener. That is where I like to look through the LMS notes to infer for strategies. Definitely I think in order to best understand others, it has to start from you. Thus, I feel that when I am listening to someone, I should not bring in my own judgments or attitudes first. Whatever the person is talking about, it is his speech or conversation; you do not have a right to snatch it from him. So, there is no point in bringing my attitude in to judge: it I his story anyway.
And, repeatedly, I have heard from many speakers that non-verbal cues are important in hearing out someone. Yes, it constitutes more than the words or the verbal language. There is a necessity to understand that words and languages are created by humans to express on their actions or things. Therefore, the most direct way to understand how people feel is to look at the primary medium, which is the actions (and postures etc.), rather than the secondary medium (the words) through which it is transmitted. Looking through the secondary medium would make the understanding harder as different people have different interpretation of words. However, we also cannot just look at non-verbal cues. Both the verbal and non-verbal constitutes what we call talking.
Lastly, listening is more than the act of receiving from others. Listening is, of course, active and bidirectional. We do have to put ourselves in others shoe and empathise to be able to interpret others. Sometimes, by doing so, I think I will also know what I will reply next even if I do not know how to console or comfort someone.
"Be a good listener. Your ears will never get you in trouble.” Frank Tyger.
Perhaps, I realise it is because of the society that we are in that shapes us to hear more rather than listen lesser yet with more quality. As we all know and can also see, the pace of living has grown to be as rapid as the machines we build today. Everyone just wants to succeed for their own self, and could not afford to have time to really care for a few others around them. So how has this got to link with listening? Well for one, fewer and fewer people wants to truly hear out the other party and then understand what they truly feel. Another truth is technology has gotten so advance that news can be obtained quickly and in bite-size! Want to know the latest news? Read the newspaper! There is no need to ask from somebody to know it. Want to obtain the most number of information in a split second? Go ‘google’ it or search in Wikipedia! There is no need for you to seek someone to patiently tutor you and with you trying to digest it slowly. Thus, indeed, many of today’s technology have made one more self-reliant and independent. But, with a cost: because of the autonomy one has, rarely do you need to fully rely on others and rarely do you need to hear them out fully or listen to them.
But, of course, I cannot blame the entire fault to the society. I still have to play my own part to become a good listener. That is where I like to look through the LMS notes to infer for strategies. Definitely I think in order to best understand others, it has to start from you. Thus, I feel that when I am listening to someone, I should not bring in my own judgments or attitudes first. Whatever the person is talking about, it is his speech or conversation; you do not have a right to snatch it from him. So, there is no point in bringing my attitude in to judge: it I his story anyway.
And, repeatedly, I have heard from many speakers that non-verbal cues are important in hearing out someone. Yes, it constitutes more than the words or the verbal language. There is a necessity to understand that words and languages are created by humans to express on their actions or things. Therefore, the most direct way to understand how people feel is to look at the primary medium, which is the actions (and postures etc.), rather than the secondary medium (the words) through which it is transmitted. Looking through the secondary medium would make the understanding harder as different people have different interpretation of words. However, we also cannot just look at non-verbal cues. Both the verbal and non-verbal constitutes what we call talking.
Lastly, listening is more than the act of receiving from others. Listening is, of course, active and bidirectional. We do have to put ourselves in others shoe and empathise to be able to interpret others. Sometimes, by doing so, I think I will also know what I will reply next even if I do not know how to console or comfort someone.
"Be a good listener. Your ears will never get you in trouble.” Frank Tyger.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)